Post by Thylae on Apr 12, 2008 16:22:44 GMT -5
As copied and pasted from an an earlier post of mine:
Okay, so I took a break from thinking so much, and I think it worked. I don't think I'm a lion or a wolf, or a fox, or even a mammal after all. I think part of my problem was while I had the suspicion that I was a therian, I could not find enough evidence to back it up, which, inevitably, led me to question myself so much that I could barely focus. That is, until I looked into my shifts. I thought these shifts were just cameo, but upon researching them, I found that they are more likely therianthropic. So if you're wondering how I came to that particular conclusion, I have an article that I will now show you that is copied and pasted from an earlier post on another forum:
The essay that follows was originally entitled: "Why am I shifting so much?". I wrote it to get some insight into my shifts, but now that I've looked into my shifts, I am fairly certain that they are therianthropic, despite the earlier confusion, so no, I am no longer asking the questions that are in the essay, and I also have some ideas as to what my theriotype is as well. This essay is now for "explaination" of the process I went through. On another "beforehand note", I mentioned a few things, such as being affected by the full moon. These may seem a bit "cliche" or "poser-ish", but they are true experiences, and I explained why I thought they might occur then in the article. I truly hope I wont be judged just for that. On another side note, some people have interpreted this as me meaning a "p-shift". This is not by any means what I am talking about. I'm actually quite skeptical of so called "physical shifting":
"Okay, okay, it's not like I'm shifting every day, however, I do shift fairly often, maybe at least 5 times a year, or sometimes more (generally 1 every month or so on average). These shifts are generally triggered by either a feeling of "high energy" or happy/excitement. They also can be considered seasonal. I experience them very rarely in summer, if at all. Sometimes during the winter, and a the greatest amount around spring or fall. In fact, I experience the most shifts as the seasons change. (Sometimes I'll have three to four shifts in one day around the changing seasons.) Oddly enough (no I'm not making this up) they will happen in the general time period of a full moon. Now, not necessarily on the full moon, but either a few days before, or a few days after, if not on the day. However, they can occur at any time. I generally am the same animal during the shifts...a mystery animal. I feel kind of canine, kind of feline, and have a "reptillian" or "prehistoric" feeling (which I am very sorry, i cannot describe any further). I tend to have either stripes or spots (can't always recall which), a long, cat like tail, and a very dog-like, yet predatory feline personality. I often find myself lowering my head a lot, then picking it up, eyes move a lot, and I do the "dog play" movement of lowering my front, and swaying the back. I may want to "leap up" on objects, like a cat would. I will often find myself opening my jaws very wide, possibly when I feel threatened, and feel territorial, and afraid/angry any time I see eyes, even on a poster.
What makes me question the cause of these shifts is how it all started:
I was introduced to shifting in my early teens (about 13 years old, maybe). I had always felt myself not to be "human" in the normal sense, but at that time, I was in a state of denial. I was "normal", I didn't want anything to do with the "weird", and while I remained somewhat open still, I was probably the most skeptical I have ever been during my life.
Enter my friend who figured I might be a safe person to tell about shifting. At first I denied the possibility. I told her (in the nicest way I could) that it sounded crazy. However, at the next moment I was feeling phantom limbs, and felt the urge to get on all fours. Still having that bit of my brain at least semi-open, although hidden, I let myself get into this state. This did not in any way feel fake, or imaginary, so I let myself "shift". This first shift was mainly phantom.
Now I didn't shift for the longest period of time (although I tried, as it was an interesting feeling, and I had become more open). Then, maybe a year or so later, I started having shifts. They would occur randomly at first, I believe. However, as time went by, I would start to feel a shift "coming" either earlier in the day (they tend to occur more frequently at night, but as I said, can happen any time). I can't really describe the feeling, it's sort of "feral", yet "energetic" feeling. A sort of "build up" sometimes, followed by a "release" when it's over. Anyway, when it does finally happen, I will look up, and realize it's a full moon (if that's when it occurs), or the next day I will find that out. On the days or nights when it's not a full moon, it's hard to say what caused it. I believe that the energy of the full moon affects people in different ways, and shifting may be a personal result of the "energy" or whatever it is, from it.
Now, interestingly enough, shifts are not something that I can very easily intentionally do. What's more, they seem to happen pretty randomly, and as I said, generally into the same "mystery animal". They even seem to have gotten far more intense, less phantom, more toward mental. The most recent shift caused human speech to actually become "second nature".
My thoughts?
It could be totemic.
It could be cameo.
It could be a form of therianthropic shift.
My reasons?
For cameo and totemic, it could well be, since I was not shifting before my friend mentioned shifting. While it may be possible that a therian may hear about this before they shift, generally therians will experience shifts on their own before they find therianthropy. However, totemic may be a tad less likely that cameo for the reason that some that I have spoken with have said that when they shift into a totem, they will "feel" another spirit around them. I do not feel like anything is around me in the least. I just feel that I, myself, am there.
For therianthropy, that could also be, since I feel somewhat myself during these shifts, only a more "feral" me (although I'm well aware that sometimes totemic shifts and the like may feel this way after a while). I also seem to have this triggered by emotions at times, which seems to be a more therianthropic thing. Another point is that I share many of the same feelings/thoughts/even emotions that therians do. For example, I feel I relate better to animals than people. I feel more akin to them, I've even always behaved in certain animalistic ways (identifying everthing by smell, playful biting, and even jumping on my trampoline on all fours because it feels more natural, posessiveness of food, growling, the list goes on). All of these behaviors and feelings date long before my discovery of shifting.
Now, I believe that this could be that I was not open enough at the time to understand and accept therianthropy to shift, and perhaps this had opened me up to shifting and therianthropy. On the contrary, an argument for totemic or cameo shifting, I may have been opened up to totems, or other spirits entering my body through this.
As you can see, I've been trying to sort though the possibility of mental therianthropy for a while, and the reason I brought this up was to get some help, at least, the best people can do. I believe these shifts ARE legitimate, but I know no one can tell me what I am/if I'm a therian or not. However, they can bring up some good points, or good questions I can ask myself. Even some good meditations on the subject. Either way, they can also offer suggestions to what animal it may be that I appear to be shifting into."
That's the essay.
Now, over a little more time, I kept meditating, and searching for my theriotype, but it just didn't work. Nothing of (seemingly) any relivance came. Finally, one night, I had this dream (another copied and pasted post):
"More confusion. I had a dream a couple of nights ago. I dreamed that I was talking to someone online, and they were helping me figure out my theriotype. They told me that what I sounded like I was shifting into was crocodile or alligator. I woke up like "no, that can't be it". I quickly put this aside.
Either later that day, or the next, I started feeling drawn and connected to alligators and crocodiles. I pushed these feelings aside. I thought perhaps it just had to do with the dream. Yet these feelings persisted.
I asked on yahoo answers (after much difficulty) about the holding mouth wide open behavior , but not quite yawning (without, of course, telling them why I was asking). People mentioned that alligators and hippos display this threat behavior.
I was stunned....I mean, at first I thought nothing of it...but as I started to take a closer look, all this started to make sense. Especially the fact that I have noticed that I move my eyes a lot in shifts. Also an alligator/crocodile behavior. Also, the feelings in the shifts would make a ton of sense with one of these.
Anyway, I'm looking into those as well. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but something about alligator/crocodile is pushing from inside me...."
So I decided, finally, to look into crocodilians. The more I researched, the more I found, especially with the American Alligator. One particular behavior that caught my eye in them was how they begin social, then, as they age, become more a-social. I've found that very true with myself, and originally could not find an animal with my particular social behaviors until I found crocodilians. I also found that they move their eyes a lot, and their eyes seem to almost focus "upward", in a way, as they are on top of their head. I often noticed in shifts, that my eyes seemed to try to move a bit upward (not like seizure upward, of course, but sometimes strainingly so), almost as if I'm trying to replicate the way a crocodilian has eyes on top of its head. Also, just another example, is when I found that they stand very lowered to the ground..well, I knew this, but never really "took it in" so to speak. That is how I stand during a shift. This would also explain my feelings of "aggression" or "fierceness" (I don't know if those are the right words, but they are the best I can provide right now), and territorial behavior.
Now, you might ask, "Well, why do you say you're most likely a reptile? Didn't you say you felt feline/canine in shifts?"
That question I'm still figuring out, however, it seems to me that there's a possibility that totems "enter" my body when I shift therianthropically, and therefore cause me to feel this way. I already know that wolf is a probable totem, and now it seems lion is as well. I could easily, on occasion, be feeling these.
Another theory is that since I orignally thought I was shifting "feline" when I first started having shifts (since I knew mostly just felines and canines), and easily could have "convinced" myself I was feline or canine. So therefore, those behaviors would come out during shifts, especially since they are more feline/canine behaviors, less feelings, now that I look at them. The more I look into my shifts, the more reptile/crocodilian makes sense.
So that's what I can say for now. I'm still researching, and doing my best soul-searching. Sorry if I wasn't specific enough. So feel free to ask any questions.
-Thylae
Okay, so I took a break from thinking so much, and I think it worked. I don't think I'm a lion or a wolf, or a fox, or even a mammal after all. I think part of my problem was while I had the suspicion that I was a therian, I could not find enough evidence to back it up, which, inevitably, led me to question myself so much that I could barely focus. That is, until I looked into my shifts. I thought these shifts were just cameo, but upon researching them, I found that they are more likely therianthropic. So if you're wondering how I came to that particular conclusion, I have an article that I will now show you that is copied and pasted from an earlier post on another forum:
The essay that follows was originally entitled: "Why am I shifting so much?". I wrote it to get some insight into my shifts, but now that I've looked into my shifts, I am fairly certain that they are therianthropic, despite the earlier confusion, so no, I am no longer asking the questions that are in the essay, and I also have some ideas as to what my theriotype is as well. This essay is now for "explaination" of the process I went through. On another "beforehand note", I mentioned a few things, such as being affected by the full moon. These may seem a bit "cliche" or "poser-ish", but they are true experiences, and I explained why I thought they might occur then in the article. I truly hope I wont be judged just for that. On another side note, some people have interpreted this as me meaning a "p-shift". This is not by any means what I am talking about. I'm actually quite skeptical of so called "physical shifting":
"Okay, okay, it's not like I'm shifting every day, however, I do shift fairly often, maybe at least 5 times a year, or sometimes more (generally 1 every month or so on average). These shifts are generally triggered by either a feeling of "high energy" or happy/excitement. They also can be considered seasonal. I experience them very rarely in summer, if at all. Sometimes during the winter, and a the greatest amount around spring or fall. In fact, I experience the most shifts as the seasons change. (Sometimes I'll have three to four shifts in one day around the changing seasons.) Oddly enough (no I'm not making this up) they will happen in the general time period of a full moon. Now, not necessarily on the full moon, but either a few days before, or a few days after, if not on the day. However, they can occur at any time. I generally am the same animal during the shifts...a mystery animal. I feel kind of canine, kind of feline, and have a "reptillian" or "prehistoric" feeling (which I am very sorry, i cannot describe any further). I tend to have either stripes or spots (can't always recall which), a long, cat like tail, and a very dog-like, yet predatory feline personality. I often find myself lowering my head a lot, then picking it up, eyes move a lot, and I do the "dog play" movement of lowering my front, and swaying the back. I may want to "leap up" on objects, like a cat would. I will often find myself opening my jaws very wide, possibly when I feel threatened, and feel territorial, and afraid/angry any time I see eyes, even on a poster.
What makes me question the cause of these shifts is how it all started:
I was introduced to shifting in my early teens (about 13 years old, maybe). I had always felt myself not to be "human" in the normal sense, but at that time, I was in a state of denial. I was "normal", I didn't want anything to do with the "weird", and while I remained somewhat open still, I was probably the most skeptical I have ever been during my life.
Enter my friend who figured I might be a safe person to tell about shifting. At first I denied the possibility. I told her (in the nicest way I could) that it sounded crazy. However, at the next moment I was feeling phantom limbs, and felt the urge to get on all fours. Still having that bit of my brain at least semi-open, although hidden, I let myself get into this state. This did not in any way feel fake, or imaginary, so I let myself "shift". This first shift was mainly phantom.
Now I didn't shift for the longest period of time (although I tried, as it was an interesting feeling, and I had become more open). Then, maybe a year or so later, I started having shifts. They would occur randomly at first, I believe. However, as time went by, I would start to feel a shift "coming" either earlier in the day (they tend to occur more frequently at night, but as I said, can happen any time). I can't really describe the feeling, it's sort of "feral", yet "energetic" feeling. A sort of "build up" sometimes, followed by a "release" when it's over. Anyway, when it does finally happen, I will look up, and realize it's a full moon (if that's when it occurs), or the next day I will find that out. On the days or nights when it's not a full moon, it's hard to say what caused it. I believe that the energy of the full moon affects people in different ways, and shifting may be a personal result of the "energy" or whatever it is, from it.
Now, interestingly enough, shifts are not something that I can very easily intentionally do. What's more, they seem to happen pretty randomly, and as I said, generally into the same "mystery animal". They even seem to have gotten far more intense, less phantom, more toward mental. The most recent shift caused human speech to actually become "second nature".
My thoughts?
It could be totemic.
It could be cameo.
It could be a form of therianthropic shift.
My reasons?
For cameo and totemic, it could well be, since I was not shifting before my friend mentioned shifting. While it may be possible that a therian may hear about this before they shift, generally therians will experience shifts on their own before they find therianthropy. However, totemic may be a tad less likely that cameo for the reason that some that I have spoken with have said that when they shift into a totem, they will "feel" another spirit around them. I do not feel like anything is around me in the least. I just feel that I, myself, am there.
For therianthropy, that could also be, since I feel somewhat myself during these shifts, only a more "feral" me (although I'm well aware that sometimes totemic shifts and the like may feel this way after a while). I also seem to have this triggered by emotions at times, which seems to be a more therianthropic thing. Another point is that I share many of the same feelings/thoughts/even emotions that therians do. For example, I feel I relate better to animals than people. I feel more akin to them, I've even always behaved in certain animalistic ways (identifying everthing by smell, playful biting, and even jumping on my trampoline on all fours because it feels more natural, posessiveness of food, growling, the list goes on). All of these behaviors and feelings date long before my discovery of shifting.
Now, I believe that this could be that I was not open enough at the time to understand and accept therianthropy to shift, and perhaps this had opened me up to shifting and therianthropy. On the contrary, an argument for totemic or cameo shifting, I may have been opened up to totems, or other spirits entering my body through this.
As you can see, I've been trying to sort though the possibility of mental therianthropy for a while, and the reason I brought this up was to get some help, at least, the best people can do. I believe these shifts ARE legitimate, but I know no one can tell me what I am/if I'm a therian or not. However, they can bring up some good points, or good questions I can ask myself. Even some good meditations on the subject. Either way, they can also offer suggestions to what animal it may be that I appear to be shifting into."
That's the essay.
Now, over a little more time, I kept meditating, and searching for my theriotype, but it just didn't work. Nothing of (seemingly) any relivance came. Finally, one night, I had this dream (another copied and pasted post):
"More confusion. I had a dream a couple of nights ago. I dreamed that I was talking to someone online, and they were helping me figure out my theriotype. They told me that what I sounded like I was shifting into was crocodile or alligator. I woke up like "no, that can't be it". I quickly put this aside.
Either later that day, or the next, I started feeling drawn and connected to alligators and crocodiles. I pushed these feelings aside. I thought perhaps it just had to do with the dream. Yet these feelings persisted.
I asked on yahoo answers (after much difficulty) about the holding mouth wide open behavior , but not quite yawning (without, of course, telling them why I was asking). People mentioned that alligators and hippos display this threat behavior.
I was stunned....I mean, at first I thought nothing of it...but as I started to take a closer look, all this started to make sense. Especially the fact that I have noticed that I move my eyes a lot in shifts. Also an alligator/crocodile behavior. Also, the feelings in the shifts would make a ton of sense with one of these.
Anyway, I'm looking into those as well. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but something about alligator/crocodile is pushing from inside me...."
So I decided, finally, to look into crocodilians. The more I researched, the more I found, especially with the American Alligator. One particular behavior that caught my eye in them was how they begin social, then, as they age, become more a-social. I've found that very true with myself, and originally could not find an animal with my particular social behaviors until I found crocodilians. I also found that they move their eyes a lot, and their eyes seem to almost focus "upward", in a way, as they are on top of their head. I often noticed in shifts, that my eyes seemed to try to move a bit upward (not like seizure upward, of course, but sometimes strainingly so), almost as if I'm trying to replicate the way a crocodilian has eyes on top of its head. Also, just another example, is when I found that they stand very lowered to the ground..well, I knew this, but never really "took it in" so to speak. That is how I stand during a shift. This would also explain my feelings of "aggression" or "fierceness" (I don't know if those are the right words, but they are the best I can provide right now), and territorial behavior.
Now, you might ask, "Well, why do you say you're most likely a reptile? Didn't you say you felt feline/canine in shifts?"
That question I'm still figuring out, however, it seems to me that there's a possibility that totems "enter" my body when I shift therianthropically, and therefore cause me to feel this way. I already know that wolf is a probable totem, and now it seems lion is as well. I could easily, on occasion, be feeling these.
Another theory is that since I orignally thought I was shifting "feline" when I first started having shifts (since I knew mostly just felines and canines), and easily could have "convinced" myself I was feline or canine. So therefore, those behaviors would come out during shifts, especially since they are more feline/canine behaviors, less feelings, now that I look at them. The more I look into my shifts, the more reptile/crocodilian makes sense.
So that's what I can say for now. I'm still researching, and doing my best soul-searching. Sorry if I wasn't specific enough. So feel free to ask any questions.
-Thylae